When I’m doing sex and intimacy coaching with women, especially those in the realm of healing, my experience cautions me to move slowly. Almost every woman I’ve worked with has been hurt by someone close to her. There are very good reasons for her, or an aspect of her, to be on guard.
I call this aspect Girlgoyle.
Girlgoyle is strong, fierce and vigilant. She’s easily roused to flight or fight. She’s steadfast and won’t be willed away or dismissed with mere words. She demands to be honoured.
Honouring her means building trust. Only through repeated and genuine acts of kindness, generosity, compassion, integrity and appropriate responses to her needs, especially the unspoken ones, will I gain her trust. This takes time and careful attentiveness. Then and only then will Girlgoyle stand down.
This process is complicated because Girlgoyle, of course, isn’t the only aspect alive in a woman. An equally strong aspect, let’s call her Passion, craves intimacy and sensual pleasure. Passion wants fulfillment. NOW!
Real concerns with time and money exist too. Usually these resources are in limited supply. Coaching is not cheap.
Too often, aware of an urgency with resources and with complete consent of Passion, I’ve moved to quickly, only to watch with dismay as Girlgoyle gets upset, overpowers Passion, and takes a woman away to a lonelier and colder place. Sometimes, if there is awareness, reparations can be made, and this can be a powerful phase in the healing journey. More often it’s just a regrettable setback.
So I’m inviting you to honour your Girlgoyle with me. Really she’s awesome and a staunch ally. I can help you bring her out of the shadows, strike an accord with her, and give her what she needs to feel safe and make space for Passion to play.
Let’s move slowly.