Negative self-talk about your body. Negative self body image is one of the most potent barrier to sexual fulfillment, intimacy and pleasure.
I’m Ki Bournes, from erosha.com, and I’m going to talk about that today, and how, when I work with my clients, we work around it.
So to start off, let’s just acknowledge that there is a cultural construct about what is beauty, and it’s really narrow, rigid and frankly unattainable and oppressive for most mere mortals. It’s just designed to make you feel crappy about the way you look, and that just makes you buy stuff, like makeup and beauty treatments and diet plans and gym membership. All the while, you just feel horrible about your body.
I don’t know how many times I’ve heard clients say to me, “ooh if I just lost another 20 pounds, then I’ll be able to feel sexy. Then I’ll be able to go out on a date. Then I’ll be able to be seen.”
That is not a healthy way forward. A healthy way forward is working around all that negative self-talk and negative body image and actually getting sensual touch in the here and now that feels great to you. So, how do we do that? How do I help my clients do that?
Well, there’s a few simple workarounds. The easiest one is, which I help my clients to focus on, and pay attention to, is what they actually like about their body, as it is, right now. Everybody’s got at least one thing that they like about their body, or a couple things. Maybe it’s their hair, or their eyes, or their smile, or their hands or something. So, I focus on that. I notice that. I appreciate that. I get my clients to do that as well. To that, I’ll add a generous amount of genuine appreciation, validation and supportive words. So that’s the first way I like to work around that negative self-talk.
The second way, which is really simple, is to just engage in sensual touch, to receive sensual touch while you’ve got your clothes on, while you’ve got your awesome look going. Women dress for looking great, and there’s no reason to take any of your clothes off. Just leave them on and get sensual touch, so that you don’t have to worry about feeling exposed, vulnerable. Look your best, and get that lovely touch on your hands, or a shoulder massage, or get your hair touched.
It’s a really easy way to get those good sensations going. Once these good sensations are going, and you’re dropping into that and feeling that it’s delicious… and that it’s happening for an extended period of time… over and over and over again… What happens is, you start to feel good in your body, and you stop worrying about how your body looks. Those good feelings, those sexy feelings, those sensual, pleasurable feelings, they actually start to erode away the negative self-talk.
So your body, your self image, actually changes with the experience of pleasure. It changes with the experience of connecting with your body as it is and connecting with another human being. So, working with the body that you have and with pleasure and sensuality and connection… that is the way to change your body image… the way you think about your body… and then you just feel beautiful as you are.
That’s a healthy way forward, because no one can meet those oppressive cultural standards. Forget about it. Just start to feel good in your body. Right now, and that’s the way forward.
Okay, well if you want to find out more about me, I’m Ki Bournes. Thanks for listening today, and I hope to talk to you in person or connect soon.